In my previous post on playing favourites, an honest question naturally arises: Is it even possible to live without favourites?
The truth is, it isn’t.
As human beings, we naturally gravitate toward certain people. There are individuals whose personalities we understand easily, whose conversations flow effortlessly, and whose presence feels comforting. Just as we have favourite foods, favourite places, and favourite songs, we may also have people we feel naturally drawn to.
And it does not make us cold if we deny it, or better humans if we pretend it doesn’t exist. Preference is part of being human.
The real issue is not preference. The real issue is partiality.
Preference Is Natural
Life is full of unique bonds. Some relationships are simply deeper than others. Even Scripture shows us examples of strong personal connections.
The friendship between David and Jonathan stands out as one of the most remarkable friendships recorded in the Bible. Their hearts were closely knit, demonstrating that deep affection and strong personal bonds are not wrong.
Having people you naturally connect with is part of the fabric of human relationships.
When Preference Crosses the Line
Problems begin when what we feel privately begins to affect how we treat people publicly.
At that point, what began as a natural affection starts creating injustice and resentment.
One reason favouritism is dangerous is that those who practice it often do not notice it. But those affected by it always do.
Keeping Preference in Its Proper Place
The goal is not to suppress human emotion. Instead, it is to govern our emotions with wisdom.
Here are a few helpful guidelines:
Be aware of your natural bias.
Recognizing that you lean toward certain people helps you consciously ensure fairness.
Separate affection from decision-making.
Enjoy the relationship, but let fairness guide your choices when responsibility is involved.
Apply the same standards to everyone.
Correction, recognition, and opportunity should follow consistent principles.
Be intentional about valuing others.
Sometimes people who are quieter or different from us simply need space to be seen.
Think of preference like having a favourite chair in your home. It is perfectly fine to enjoy sitting there. But when guests come, wisdom sometimes means offering them the most comfortable seat. Not because you stopped liking the chair, but because people matter more than preference.
Having favourites does not make us unkind. But allowing those favourites to determine fairness can quietly damage the very relationships we value.
Preference belongs in the heart. Justice must remain in our actions.
When we keep that balance, we remain both human and honorable.
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